I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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