yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
