So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
