It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
