I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize