Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
