Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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