Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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