KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
