In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
