; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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