I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
