Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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