From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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