that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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