I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
