my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
