Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
