you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
