Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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