I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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