If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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