like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
