cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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