No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
