So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize