Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
