Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
