pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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