hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
