The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
