If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
