I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
