Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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