Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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