I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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