you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You made out with two different species that night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
