u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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