You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
