I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
