she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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