I faked an abortion last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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