Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
