cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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