I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
