I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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