What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
