this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
