She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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