Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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