why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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