I wish you could order shots online.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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