She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
