UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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