But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
