I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
