I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
