Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
