I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
