I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
