i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
