Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
