If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
