I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize