we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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