omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize