In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize